Reinventing Your Life After Leaving Your Job Is Easy When You Follow This 5 Stage Process
Have you ever been surprised by how someone’s view of you is different from how you see, or think, of yourself?
This has happened to be three times that I can recall. The first was my child-minder who described me as cool, together and organised. I, on the other hand, always felt rushed and arrived having left half of what I need someplace else.
The second was when a consultant told me I had an amazingly logical approach to organising information. Wow!
The third was when I was told I had a magnetic personality, whilst I felt a dull and rather frumpy. That one was life changing.
Sometimes, the revelation of the real us to outsiders, can be pleasant, whilst at others times it can be a reminder of how easy it is to lose sight of ourselves.
Losing who we are, is often the result of living out daily roles – soldier, pilot, caring mother, loyal husband – and as we become used to living the role, it is easy to neglect other parts of ourselves. Before we realise, we’re trapped in a groove that we didn’t imagine or want, or a role that we outgrew long ago but, which still lingers on like Banquo’s ghost. We’ve gone away from who we really are.
If we stray too far from our authentic self then we can feel stuck. Feelings of staleness, being unchallenged, agitation and boredom are an indication that we’re heading, or have already arrived, at this point.
If you’ve made a change away from your former life, such as leaving the armed forces, or leaving a long term career, then hanging on albeit it unwittingly, to the old role and the old you can be deadly.
The statistics surrounding the number of ex armed force’s personnel who are living on the streets, or are in prison, are startling. We have to wonder why previously organised and prosperous individuals floundered so desperately after leaving the armed forces. Could it be that they are still living within their previous role and identity, but are now outside of the service where that life existed?
Possibly the best way out of an impasse and to head of a catastrophe after a role changes is to embrace the process of reinvention.
Reinvention is more than a new wardrobe and a funky hairdo. It’s a deep internal change which affects you, and how you interact with your environment. Such a change starts byF considering your existing values and deciding who you want to be. And then making that change.
A while ago I examined my values and realised that one of my top priorities was being secure. What did this mean? For me it meant being employed in an institution for years and steadfastly ignoring the boredom and lack of fulfillment and kidding myself that promotion made it worthwhile. It also meant staying in a loveless marriage with a hard working (secure) individual, instead of cracking out on my own.
By changing my top values to freedom and happiness, my life changed. Could Richard Branson be the Richard Branson we know if his top value was security? No. So, if you want to be like Richard Branson, you will need to take on some of his values. You don’t need to know him intimately to do this, you can just imagine what his values would have to be to generate the public persona.
That’s stage one in the reinvention process.
Stage two is to realise you are the CEO of your own company. You always have been. Now what sort of a company are you running? Is it fuddy duddy, or out there on the cutting edge? You need to create your own brand, so are you a Werthers Original Toffee or Yoi Sushi?
Stage 3 is to write your life story. Get down on paper where you are heading, and what you want to be doing one week, one month, one year and ten years henceforth.
Stage 4 is to set up your personal stall of products. So, what have you got to offer? If you could step forward one year and look back at what you have achieved, and the value you have added to the world, would you be content?
Stage 5 is to ask yourself how you relate to others, and to do this in two ways. Firstly, we make decisions which impact on other people, so lets consider the effect. Secondly, are we being unduly influenced by those around us?
Do people have a hold on us, we are not aware of?
It can be shocking to many people to discover how much of their daily and life decisions, and actions, are driven by what others might think, instead of what they want to do to create a fulfilling life.
Finally, a bit of a heads up about reinventing yourself. It can be scary and exiting, for you and those around you. If you are getting resistance from loved ones about the changes, then offer reassurance, but not that everything will stay the same, because it won’t. Offer reassurance that everything will be progressing, because whatever the outcome, reinvention always leads to forward motion.
About the Author
Sian Murphy combines professional management (MInstLM) & certified NLP techniques as a consultant. She co-founded
Leaving The Armed Forces
& the Ex-Armed Forces Club with ex soldier and husband Mark Jennings. Mark was surprised to find he was struggling to fit in with civilian life and business after the army, and today they use their experiences and skills to help other service leavers. You can download your free 30 page report
here
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